Ellie Whiteinspired by Nothing is Okay by Rachel Wileyyou decide to bake cookies for everyone you know and pretend they are not apologies. you try to look your partner in the eyes during sex because you know he likes it. try to hide your revulsion. you do need him, after all, and need is almost like love. you resolve to start running again. ignore the rusty gate in your chest for a quarter mile. cough for the next 2 days. this is called grit. you no longer cry in the shower. blame the callous cement floor. weary relic of gentler days when women didn’t cry in their showers, didn’t cry at all for fear of ruining their complexions. your complexion is already ruined. what the fuck are you trying to save?